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Danh ngôn của Groucho Marx (Sứ mệnh: 8)

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Humor is reason gone mad.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.