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Danh ngôn của Rita Rudner (Sứ mệnh: 2)

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.
Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence.