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Danh ngôn của Woody Allen (Sứ mệnh: 9)

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Marriage is the death of hope.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
I am two with nature.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.