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Danh ngôn của Henny Youngman (Sứ mệnh: 5)

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.