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Danh ngôn của Rodney Dangerfield (Sứ mệnh: 4)

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.