My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them.
It's funny, I never think I'm doing that well. I've never, ever. I just constantly think, 'This isn't working out.'
Usually, if I think something is really funny, I'm not gonna test it. I'll just test it when I'm onstage.
I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.
There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.
Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'
I love sprinting, but I hate long-distance running. Isn't that funny?
Never put a sock in a toaster.
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.
It's funny, when bands or younger musicians ask me: 'So, what does it take to make it?' Well, first explain to me what you mean by 'making it': Do you want to be a rock star or do you want music to be your livelihood?
I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
I'm funny when I want to be. And I'm even funny when I don't want to be.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
Too much agreement kills a chat.
Life is funny and it is interesting how we make it as serious as possible.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.
Sometimes I'm really funny, sometimes I'm quiet, sometimes I'm shy, but I'm constantly changing.
There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil Spector.' But even those guys, while insightful and amusing, aren't exactly funny.
I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way.
People are apprehensive about finding 'The Leftovers' funny because it's such a dark circumstance, but I think, really, what the show is about is examining how different people deal with loss. There are elements of humour and levity and irony in that... just like in real life.
It's a weird thing. Rick Springfield wrote 'Jessie's Girl,' and he probably gets sick of talking about 'Jessie's Girl.' The thing is, I didn't write 'Blurred Lines.' I didn't direct the music video. I'm really happy for the success, but it is kind of a funny thing to follow me around.
You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it's kind of a lifestyle and it's easy to get caught up in it - you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone's doing a certain thing... It's tough.
For me personally, I just don't have anything to prove anymore. I know exactly who I am, I know that I'm intelligent and acting dumb or acting like whatever. If that's funny to me because I know it's false then so be it.
I think 'Saturday Night Live', starting in the 1970s, really gave women an outlet to be funny. A lot of those women went on to have film careers, from Kristen Wiig now to Tina Fey and Gilda Radner.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
It's funny - almost every comedian that I started out with moved to L.A., except for my two friends Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. And my two friends that are doing the best in comedy, the most successful friends I have, are Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer.
You initially become funny as a kid because you're looking for attention and love. Psychologists think that's all to do with mother abandonment. I think John Cleese has his depressions, and Terry Gilliam's the same. All of us together make one completely insane person.
It just seems to me that there's no particular reason comedy albums should be dead. There's a lot to laugh at. We have very funny people, still.
Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off the bat, as soon as they can speak or be naughty.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
Getting fan mail from Brazil is kind of funny.
It's so funny because if you tweet your lyrics and then you hear it in a song next week, you're like, 'Hey I had that same idea.' I'm very secretive with my music. We have to send emails password protected. Because once that song gets out, you aren't selling that thing.
The token gay character is always so funny and so fantastic. That's happened a lot. Or they're often purely victims.
Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.